Today is the kind of day where in college I would look out the window, say fuck it, and go back to bed. People say they like living in regions like these because “you get 4 season.” Truth is, you can take winter and shove it up your ass.

These days however I’m a big boy and have to take the ride into the city everyday for my real job. Since this city doesn’t like money as much as the next and won’t extend the T north, I’m driving in and parking at Consol everyday for the low price of $7.25! But the silver lining to all this is I then have the fortune of a half mile walk in this blistering cold to my office where every year I forget about, hands down, some of the dumbest people on earth. I’m talking “I should hand out condoms and forbid them from procreating” dumb.

I’m all for finding a way to skip out on work. Hell as I type this I should probably be doing a bank reconciliation or something. But if you think you can say anything that’s going to convince me that voluntarily walking outside to freeze for 5 minutes has any merit, you my friend are a moron. For god’s sake its 2015 get with the times and buy some E-cigarettes and sneak a puff in your cubicle.*

*Anyone who tries to stop you from smoking an E-Cigarette or Vape indoors is a certifiable asshole. Should you choose either option for your nicotine fix and are asked to cease using indoors, simply ask the person to identify the flavor. If they’re right then you should stop but good news, they wont guess right because they have no scent. Bitch please, get off me.

Since I am fair and balanced and don’t care how dumb you are if you read my site, I came across a hell of a product if you choose to smoke outside. They’re called Smoking Mittens and kinda make a lot of sense.