ESPN And then there were none. In the 35th game of the NCAA tournament, the final perfect bracket fell. A 26-year-old sign language interpreter from Cleveland picked his favorite team — Ohio State — to beat Arizona. The Wildcats bested the Buckeyes 73-58 Saturday night. On Friday night, the man who became the sole ESPN.com entrant with a perfect bracket through the round of 64 was checking his phone from a salsa club, reloading the final scoreboards to make sure he still had every game correct. By day’s end, Malachi, who asked to keep his last name anonymous out of privacy concerns, had the only one out of 11.57 million brackets with every team still in green. Picking Kansas to beat Kentucky in the Elite Eight is one regret for Malachi, who had the only perfect bracket out of 11.57 million after the second round. So what type of basketball savant is this guy? How much research and number crunching did he do? “Nothing,” he said Saturday, after his first two picks of the day, UCLA and Kentucky, advanced. “I actually haven’t watched a full game this entire year.” Malachi got much further than anyone got last year, as no entry on any of the major websites survived the round of 64. He said his brother called him Thursday morning to remind him that he only had 15 minutes to fill out a bracket. He filled out two. “I knew I had to have some upsets, but I can’t really give you specific reasons as to why I chose certain teams over others,” he said. In the Midwest and the East, Malachi chose all the favorites to win, with the exception of Dayton. In the West and South, he then picked both 14 seeds, Georgia State and UAB, to beat Baylor and Iowa State, respectively. Other upsets included his favorite team, Ohio State, beating VCU, and UCLA beating SMU. Malachi has a great chance of winning his brother’s bracket contest, which he says features only six or seven of his friends, but as he looks at his bracket, he says he is upset about picking Kansas to beat Kentucky in the Elite Eight. “I didn’t realize KU was kind of having a down year and Kentucky was where they were,” Malachi said. “If I were to do it over again, I would have Kentucky winning that game.” Malachi also has been ribbed by those looking at the score of the title game in his bracket — Duke 58, Kansas 0. “I swear I typed it 58-52,” he said. “But it was funny to hear the guys on ‘SportsCenter’ call me a ‘wacko’ because of the score.” Those who have achieved success over the years to beat the odds have often been the beneficiary of luck. In 2006, only four fans out of 3 million brackets entered on ESPN.com had the Final Four perfect. One of the fans, Russell Pleasant, admitted that he picked George Mason that year because he got the school confused with George Washington.

Just another black Monday at work today. You make your rounds and take a look at where you fall in the company March Madness pool and even though you had a respectable 34-14 run you are in the middle of the pack again this year. Who is that at the top? Oh that’s fucking Gloria the lady with hundreds of pictures of cats throughout her cubicle. How the hell is she ahead of you and how the hell did she Georgia St? Oh because Panthers are like cats… of course.

Same story every year, you got gals like Gloria dominating her pool and guys like the famous Malachi becoming an internet sensation when he starts out perfect in the first two days. I still think I favor the 2 people who got every single game wrong on Thursday but this guy still deserves a ton of credit right?

Hell no. Not after he goes ahead and rubs dirt in all the fresh wounds across America when he discloses he had not watched an entire game all year and was that guy living under a rock, unaware Kentucky was dominating. That’s the part that really irks me. He is a big enough sports fan to claim to have “favorite teams” and filled out his bracket based on name recognition knowing teams like Kansas were a perennial powerhouse. How on earth did he not stumble upon the fact that Kentucky was head and shoulders above the rest of the field?

If that’s me and I biff that bad on the final score no way in hell I’m confessing that I fat fingered the final score and entered 58-0 instead of 58-52. At this point I’m already well along the path of the supervillain and it’s here I own that 58-0 score with something like “same logic help me go perfect in the first day, why not a 58-0 championship.”

But I guess maybe that is why I’m in the middle of the pack behind Gloria and Malachi.