Spring has finally sprung. Baseball season is a week in, the Masters has wrapped up, and iced coffees are $1 at Dunkin Donuts.

It is nice to get away from your desk mid afternoon and go for a stroll to take in the fresh air. But beware, you do not want to take in too much fresh air because you could inadvertently choke yourself out.

The Pyrus calleryana, or Bradford Pear is known more commonly by its street name “Cum Trees” thanks to its nasty odor in its flowering stage.  A stage in which we are only days away from experiencing.

The insane thing is you can go to HomeDepot.com right now and order one of these things for $89.99. Buying and planting a cum tree is pure reckless abandon. The universal rule is stank overrules looks. If you find yourself a nice sexy tinder date and arrive only to find their favorite pastime is rolling in shit you’re high tailing it out of there without so much as a handy.  I don’t think it is too difficult to supplement a yard of cum trees for something much more appealing to the nose.

So when you’re out and about, remember to keep your eyes peeled for the these bad boys and if possible, avoid at all costs.

You have been warned.