Previously on Smut Wars:
Smut Wars: Kim vs Kendall
Smut Wars II: Britney vs Christina
Smut Wars III: Ronda Rousey vs Cat Zingano
Smut Wars IV: Daenerys Targaryen vs Daenerys Targaryen’s Body Double 

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Ahhh the smell of summer bangers dropping their music videos is back in the air.

For the first time in the long history of #SmutWars we have a winner returning to the ring to defend their title. Tonight the real life Disney princess of the 90’s does battle with the real life Disney princess of the 2000’s Ms. Hilary Duff.

Red Corner: Britney Spears

Britney Spears makes her triumphant return to #SmutWars. The song itself isn’t great although if we’re being honest I do have “da-da-da-da-da pretty girls” stuck in my head. It shows how lucky Britney was to grow up in the pre Auto-Tune days. The button they pushed 10 years ago to bring her voice up to radio standards worked for her, whatever is going on in the studio these days sounds closer to an SNL parody than a platinum hit.

You can really tell in this video that Britney put the work in to look good. No not the work at a gym per say, but the work on the set sucking in her gut at all costs and hoping to not pass out.

  

We’re not here to fat shame, but we’re also not here to tolerate anyone trying to get by with a belly shirt while rocking a muffin top. This is people of Walmart stuff and a 33 year old with two kids should know better.

Ultimately “Sexy Britney Spears” is trending downward so fast I think the new way to chart how bad its getting is to ask “How many times do I need to watch ‘I’m A Slave 4 U’ to get that taste out of your mouth?” In this case, you might want to plan to take a personal day Friday and consider peppering in some “Oops I Did it Again” once an hour until lunch.

As she continues to get closer to 40 her best bet is to own the fact that shes not the pop princess anymore and it is probably best she shift her career to a more mature persona.  It’s one thing to show up on the cover of People pretending to be a mom but you can’t give that up when the photographer walks out the door. 

  

Additionally, I don’t think her ankles can handle much more popping and locking.

0% chance she sings live anymore right??

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Blue Corner: Hilary Duff

Hilary didn’t come out guns a blazing with the same kind of pop and lock dance sequences but she did bang out on move worthy of Gif’ing.

A few weeks back I caught the Duff on some hot garbage TV show on E!  I almost choked to death on my coffee when I saw what she had done to her hair.  

 

Fortunatley it appears as though Regina George told Hilary to stop trying to make old lady blue hair a thing.  This is terrific news, the last thing we need is hotties becoming sheep and following this hideous trend. 

  

Since filing for divorce from her husband, former NHL Star, Mike Comrie, she has been really putting it out there turning heads in the checkout isle at groceries stores across America. 

 

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Final Verdict

For better or worse Britney Spears has been close to the top for almost two decades. Even when she’s about to disappear she drops a banger like “Womanizer” and we welcome her back into our hearts. 

Since Lizzie McGuire Hilary has been a rather obscure figure. With the exception of her lesbian escapades on Gossip Girl the only time we have heard about her was when her husband was in the news.

But these days she’s rebounding hard and has done enough to knock off the queen and win tonight’s #SmutWars with a timely assist from her Instagram. 

Your winner and NEW #SmutWars Champion…. HILARY DUFF

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