There used to be a time when it was easy to buy stuff. Just swipe your card and be on your way. Then some asshole starting robbing people and soon the only answer banks had was to put some chip in your card that acted like a bucket of ice on your shopping boner.
Not only did they spring a new card on you, but it meant all those companies who had your prior card on file would start blowing up your phone because the old one stopped working. I hate talking to my friends on the phone what makes you think I want to talk to some jabroni on the phone?
Then when you finally whip out that new card and try to swipe your met with a repug buzzer sound. Now you’re standing at the cash register and look like you just got declined because you’re a poor person. How didn’t a focus group point this out and change the sound in the machines to something like an old fashioned cash register sound?
There used to be a card commercial where they spent 40 seconds showing you how smooth swiping your card was and how life was just quicker than pulling out cash and fucking everything up.
If this is all a scheme to abandon cards and just carry bank rolls everywhere it’s working. If I didn’t spend hundreds on some fancy hybrid memory foam mattress (humble brag) I would be cutting holes in it right this second and hiding away my millions hundreds.
TheYuppieYinzer 