CBC Despite a recent turnaround in a disappointing season, Sidney Crosby will miss his 10th NHL All-Star Game in 11 seasons.

The Penguins captain on Wednesday was left off the Metropolitan Division’s 10-man roster for the Jan. 31 event in Nashville, leaving centre Evgeni Malkin and defenceman Kris Letang to represent Pittsburgh.

Everybody calm down.  Sure, in the last 6 games the kid has 6 goals and 3 assists.  The Pen’s won half those games and only have one loss in regulation during that stretch but before Christmas he only had 22 points in the first 32 games.

A month ago the media just did what the media does and they took the radical approach that he was washed up and should be traded.  Those casual fans who hit the booths and vote for the All Stars soak in all those negative articles and this is what you get.

I personally can appreciate this approach.  I’ve watched too many mid summer classic’s where guys have average seasons are starting the All Star game even though they’re having their worst numbers in years and there’s a small market stud outplaying him.  I love that Crosby has turned it on in the last few weeks but a little mid season vacation to recharge can only help that hopeful cup run.

In related news, Geno is headed to the game representing the Wet Bandits.

Also, how about the sweater’s they’re wearing in this years game? According to the league, the sweaters’ design is a “nod to the host city.”  I was unaware we were hosting the All Star game.

NBC Sports Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger said on 93.7 The Fan in Pittsburgh Tuesday morning that getting back to where the offense should be for the postseason will require more from wide receiver Martavis Bryant, who had one catch for no gain in last week’s win in Cleveland.

“Not that I’m shying from saying this [to Bryant]. It comes from love,” Roethlisberger said. “He needs to understand that…at this time of year you have to toughen up. You have to make tough plays, you have to make tough catches and you have to find ways to do everything you can to help this team.
Love it. This is what makes Ben a premier quarterback. He’s padded his resume with franchise records, outrageous stats, and of course a few Super Bowl rings doesn’t hurt. 

This kind of leadership is what separates good from great. Love him or hate him, you can’t ignore Tom Brady’s intensity on the sidelines when he’s in the face of teammates and coaches. 

The quarterback is the first guy to get shit thrown his way when things are sour. The guys who own it and make sure to give every effort are the guys who become great leaders and ultimately hoist that trophy at the end of the year. 

  
As I watched Sunday’s game it seemed crazier and crazier that Antonio Brown, arguably the leagues best wide receiver, could catch 13 passes. As we head to the post season and better defenses key on the Steelers playmaker its already going to be difficult without Leveon Bell and now DeAngelo Williams. I applaud Ben’s awareness to also realize this and understand he’s going to need tge absolute best from plan B which includes Bryant as well Wheaton, DHB, and Heath. 

In other news we found out today that the red rocket won’t be ready come game time. 

On to Denver. 

I want so bad to be excited about this tweet.  I want to send a group text to all my friends from the attitude era and rub it in their face that the Pirates have the best announcer possible but I know I need to curb my enthusiasm because the Pirates management will blow it.

Bucco slobberknocker T-Shirts would sell themselves.  Every other fanbase would be stealing your games audio trying to recreate the next big meme.

Can you imagine a big game where the other team misses a full count fastball and walks the bases loaded for Cutch?

“Business is about to pick up”

Kang crushes one to dead center.

“Good god almighty!”

Pirates bring the bats out and are the middle of a snobberknocker and I would welcome our announcer showing compassion for the other teams pitcher.

“He’s got a family!”

Sadly I don’t think the Pirates brass have any sense to go out there and make the splash hire.  Why get a guy like Harry Caray, Bob Uecker, Jon Miller, Harry Kalas, or  Gary Thorne to provide the soundtrack when you finally win a World Series when you can settle for average?

Do we even need to discuss the endless opportunities if JR had the select BBQ sauce of the Steel City?

Do the deal Mr. Nutting

Boom, Steeler Nation’s most eloquent fan with his latest hot take.

Sure has come a far way since he wanted the fire Todd Haley, the guy who’s responsible for the third best offense this year without all his weapons.

I’ve seen some tweets out there saying Tomlin should be on the hot seat if he’s one and done again and I’ll say this.  When Snoop Dogg has anything bad to say about Mike Tomlin, they’ve waited too long to can him.

The Steelers dropped their own holiday video only days after the Penguins lit the lamp with their “Home Alone” parody.  While the hot take around the city focuses on the awful singing, we’re going to take it to the Next Level and question how no one stopped this when it got kinda, sorta, racist.

How the heck did this pass through quality control.  You have all the other racially mixed position groups having a holly-jolly time out there singing some good ole Christmas carols and then out of nowhere here come three Caucasians singing about how great a White Christmas would be.

Its a good thing these guys play in the whitest city in the NFL or else we might actually have some nutcases chirping about how White Christmas is the most festive micro aggression.  

This all comes back to my idea last week that companies need outrage police officers on payroll to point out any potential sources of social outrage. 

Side note, James Harrison with his face covered up like that is flat out terrifying.  Wouldn’t surprise me to find out that he’s got Santa hostage and won’t release him until he get’s all of Santa’s milk & cookies.

Yesterday we showed you the Penguins “Home Alone” parody.  It was that video that the new nickname for your Kessel/Malkin combo appropriately became “The Wet Bandits.”   Within hours  of that post, the two were lightin the lamp on multiple occasions.

If you’re keeping score at home, that makes the Penguins undefeated since we named Kessel & Malkin the Wet Bandits and each are averaging 2 goals a piece per game during that streak.

Print the shirts.

Bill Burr aced Thanksgiving when he taught us all how to make a pie crust and today, with the help of this guy we get some piano to accompany his golden pipes.  Any ordinary riff during his Monday Morning Podcast becomes extraordinary.  Hell, the MeUndies song almost makes me want to spend a small fortune on a single pair of underpants.

Bill brought the meaning of Christmas back to life an certainly inspires me to crusade against anyone offended by “Merry Christmas.”

Merry Christmas to a Christian, a Muslim, or a Jewwwww.

I don’t care, I don’t care if its offensive to youuuuuu.

It’s my holidayyyyy.

I like saying Merry Christmas to youuuuu.

Stop being a cunt and get over the Christmas treeeeeeeee.

Boom.  That right there is the soundtrack to my Christmas going forward.  We’re starting a new Thanksgiving tradition and changing my ringtone to that firejam so when I’m zipping through the mall like Seal Team 6 during the holidays that song might go off and start fixing a world overpopulated with hypersensitive holiday radicals.

Merry Christmas everyone.

MyFox8 A Boston man is taking the Elf on a Shelf tradition to a whole new level this year. The man posted to Craigslist offering to be a real-life Elf on a Shelf at events and holiday parties for just $100 an hour. “I will come to your holiday party dressed as the Elf on the Shelf and sit in any location you assign me while I stare emptily at your guests for the duration of the event,” he wrote. In the advertisement, the man notes that his services have been in high demand this season so he requires at least 48 hours notice. Nothing says happy holidays like a stranger in a onesie!

Creepiness notwithstanding this is absolutely the play this holiday season.  When I’m lucky enough to have a few rugrats running around getting together their Christmas lists I want the satisfaction that I did not raise a little mental midget whose actions and attitudes are the product of a stuffed elf on the shelf.

I want my little warriors to see a real life elf sitting on the mantle and say to themselves “oh shit, this guy reports directly to Santa, we better get out asses in gear.”  If parents are going to outsource raising their kids, studies have shown* its best to rely on a real life elf vs a stuffed one.

If however you’re the type to downvote creepy and upvote cute you could be like the dad over at That Dad Blog who has taken his ingenuity and photoshop skills to the next level to again bring Elf on a Shelf to life.

*By studies I meant “I think”

The video is filled with all kinds of “aw shucks these guys are funny” moments but the timing this season isn’t great when the teams already in free fall, having fired its coach and looking up a lot of teams including the stinkin Flyers.

One positive that did come out of this video however is that everyone’s favorite tag-team now has a name. Every great pairing needs a name, “Legion of Doom,” “Bash Brothers,” etc.   Hopefully naming these guys the “Wet Bandits” is all this team needs to make a run here.

Print the shirts.

Side note: Geno absolutely has a career in the Russian Syndicate, or at the very least, playing a convincing Russian crime boss in a movie down the road…

That delivery is flawless.  He makes Jon Malcovich from Rounders look like some Yinzer on the Southside impersonating a Russian.

Follow @theyuppieyinzer

After dismantling one of the leagues premier defenses playing with a lead your team your town, your Pittsburgh Steelers have moved into sixth place in the AFC.  With road games vs lousy divisional teams, the road to the playoffs appears to be clear.

If we’re being honest the Steelers scare the shit out of ever team in the playoffs.  They’re getting hot at the right time and are decently healthy.  Sure everyone would love to invite Le’Veon Bell to the touchdown party but the passing game is doing more than its share to be considered dominant.  If the Steelers could win the division and get that first playoff game at home, they become that much scarier but is it possible to jump the Bengals? Lets look.

Assuming the Steelers win out and Bengals lose out, that leaves both teams at 11-5.  Time to break the tie.

• Head-to-head – Steelers/Bengals split 1-1, onto the next one
• Winning % within the division – Both teams would finish 4-2, onto the next one.
• Winning % in common games – The common games are the 4 in the division (BAL & CLE), the AFC West and NFC West.  In those game, both the Steelers & Bengals are 9-3, onto the next one.
• Winning %  within the conference – Both teams would be 8-4 vs the AFC, onto the next one.
• Strength of victory – What does this even mean you ask? Just looking at a teams victories, who beat the better teams?

The teams the Bengals defeated have a combined winning percentage of .409.  The Steelers meanwhile have beaten teams with a combined winning percentage of .448 meaning the Steelers would win the division and host a first round playoff game.  The only way the Bengals could make up the 6 games is if the teams they beat had 6 more wins than teams the Steelers beat.  With 14 common opponents cancelling each other out that would mean the Bills would rattle off 6 wins in the last two weeks….

Get ready for a fun two weeks.  The formula for the Steelers is embarrass a team one week and unleash them on the Bengals the next and hope they avenge their loss with a Bungal beatdown.

The force has awaken