The Cranberry Eagle Police on Monday arrested a Butler man accused of clubbing a former girlfriend with a 2-foot-long beef stick during a weekend domestic dispute. Jesse J. Eaton, 20, is in the Butler County Prison on misdemeanor assault and other charges. Eaton showed up between 4 and 5 a.m. Saturday at his ex-girlfriend’s Old Plank Estates apartment and began beating on the windows. He eventually got inside the 21-year-old woman’s home, according to court documents. She told police that Eaton began shouting and breaking pictures frames and a wooden coffee table. He allegedly slapped and pushed the woman before the altercation took an unusual turn.“He started hitting her with a large beef stick,” documents said. Police said the summer sausage measured about an inch in diameter and was in its package. The victim’s older sister eventually arrived at the apartment. That 24-year-old woman told investigators that she saw Eaton choking her sibling. She said she tried to call 911 but he took the telephone out of her hands and threw it, according to a police affidavit. He is accused of grabbing the older sister by the shoulders and slamming her against a wall. Eaton was gone by the time officers got there. Police subsequently got an arrest warrant for him. He was arraigned Monday on charges of simple assault, harassment and disorderly conduct, and placed in the prison on $2,500 bail. A preliminary hearing was not immediately scheduled.

Last summer when Adrian Peterson got in trouble for beating his kid with a “switch” it was a difficult story to follow in large part due to the confusion surrounding his weapon of choice. In this case however, the use of a “2-foot-long beef stick” makes for a hilarious visual.

Make no mistake, abusing women is awful and is never tolerated, but the notion of whipping out a 2 foot long sausage on a boring Friday night and smacking your friends around would get a decent laugh.

Moral of the story, if you are going to commit and atrocious crime, be a little bit clever and you might win some points back.

WTAE A western Pennsylvania will appear before a federal magistrate on charges he robbed two banks and a store and eventually told police he did so because he needed the money to kill his ex-girlfriend and flee the state. Rostraver police have said 34-year-old Stephen Gaza IV, of Masontown, “openly admitted” that was his motive after he was charged by them with robbing a PNC Bank branch there on June 11.

Oh man, special kind of idiot here. I’d hate to be the person responsible for giving this guy legal advice. This sounds exactly like the hundreds of times I screwed up as a kid and was questioned by Officer Mom why something was broken in the house.

You know the drill, they’d casually toss out the classic “tell me the truth and you won’t get in trouble.” Obviously any kid with half a brain saw right threw this stone cold lie and lived by the golden rule “deny til you die.”

Now I do not pretend to know all the laws, but I’m pretttttty sure the punishment for an old fashioned robbery isn’t as severe as planning a murder, this might have been the perfect time to use that right to remain silent.

https://twitter.com/aknndy412/status/626580518612664321

Even without his contract extension AB is all smiles at camp. Even better, he’s demonstrating the rare abilty to catch four footballs at one.

I’m sure ever cornerback AB goes up against this season will try to snap his streak of 33 straight games with 5 catches, 50 yards. Its nice to know if need be, he can extend that streak in one play.

Is it week one yet? Patriots fans are petitioning to boycott the first half of the first game. What better time for a Yinzer takeover with our First Ballot Yinzer Hall of Famers.

Meanwhile in Baltimore, they seem to think a Super Bowl is a possibility?

https://twitter.com/csnravens/status/626573771198078976

Lol come on Ravens get real. Have you seen our 3 headed monster?

 
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ESPN.com Running back Le’Veon Bell’s suspension has been reduced from three games to two as a result of a settlement between the NFL and NFL Players Association, sources told ESPN’s Jarrett Bell. Bell was suspended in April for his August 2014 arrest on DUI and marijuana possession charges. Bell, along with then-teammate LeGarrette Blount, were arrested while driving to the airport for a preseason game.

What’s that? The golden boy Tom Brady’s suspension stuck but Le’Veon Bell got a game back??

Oh man that’s funny. The suspension bowl in week one will still be without Brady, Bell and Blount but Le’Veon now gets to have a tune up game vs the Rams in Week 3 before the big primetime showdown vs Baltimore. We missed Bell in the playoffs last year and this is good news knowing he’ll be fully healed up and ready to go.

Fresh of the heels of an arena league team using the people’s elbow as a touchdown celebration, the Steelers William Gay brought it to the NFL. 

Any time someone includes a pretend bounce off the ropes to sell the people’s elbow I am obligated to give it a 10 out of 10. Kudos to the other Steelers happy to jump in and play referee. 

You know it’s real deal when The Rock himself gets in on the action.

That’s big time right there. If I have to start handing out people’s elbows to jabronis all over downtown landmarks to get some attention for Dwayne I’ll do it…

CBSSports.comSome football players just show up to training camp. Others roll up in style. Put Antonio Brown in the second camp. The Steelers wide receiver, who led the league in receptions and receiving yards last season, is cruising into the team’s training camp in a — literally — signature Rolls-Royce custom Phantom tricked out in Steelers’ colors.

Well that’s certainly an epic way to roll into camp. After questions all off season if Antonio would hold out for a new contract, it appears holdout rumors have been put to rest. If Antonio’s finance manager is Spencer Strasmore I’m sure he’s pissed he dropped half a mil on a RR before getting paid. Then again, maybe they’ll hit the gym together and have a good laugh about it all.

“With the first pick in the 2015 Fantasy Football Draft, the Yuppie Yinzer’s select, Antonio Brown”

Every so often someone outside the city walls reads The Yuppie Yinzer and questions what exactly a “Yinzer” is. A derivation of “yinz” (akin to y’all, yous guys, you guys, etc) “yinzer” has often been difficult to truly describe to an outsider. Fortunatley with football right around the corner, all the text book Yinzer’s made it out to Steelers camp and WTAE was there to produce us a wonderful piece of education.

Right out of the gate we get to see a few Yinzer broad smokeshows made it out to camp. Finally after months wearing their Steeler jersey’s to the St Patty’s day parade, numerous birthday parties, and their anniversary dinner at Pirmanti’s their choice of attire finally fits in.

Another Steeler fan has gone the distance and was kind enough to set down his Le’veon Bell voodoo doll to show off his championship patches he so graciously tatooed to his head.

“Joey Porter right dare… there’s the bus…”

We even got a few transplants from New Jersey, and this woman from Ohio is coming in with a hot take on dealing with her husband who’s a Browns fan (poor guy… both being a Brown’s fan and waking up next to this every morning).

And fortunately if the Yinzer’s aren’t answering the 7am bell, we can rely on the man in a giant foam cowboy hat to wind everyone up.

In a world being overrun by vegans and gluten free jabroni’s it is refreshing to know the Yinzer’s still know how to eat like an American…

Side note, its a quick cut but if you break down the tape you can tell when they send it back to the anchor in the studio it’s clear he’s a transplant doing his time in Pittsburgh, questioning how his elite Syracuse Journalism education landed him this gig.

Well shit there’s a movie I’d camp out to see at midnight. Come to think of it, the original already had the Penguin collecting troll toll’s.

Crazy to think one of 2016’s biggest blockbusters originated in a dilapidated apartment and came as a result of huffing spray paint….

Holy shit who is this smokeshow and why haven’t I seen her when I accidentally fat finger the remote and turn on Fox News?

Oh that’s because she is on some poor person closed circuit TV channel competing with the local high school’s morning announcements for ratings. Instead of grinding it out another year and making her big soapbox speech on a real news network she went after an entire race and suggested your boy Barry Obama carpet bomb them all. 

Listen toots, you’ve probably made it real far with that cute face and ability to string together a coherent sentence. But you don’t even have a Wikipedia page. I understand you think you can roll out some rant and go viral and while I’m sure your Twitter got a bump you’re still a nobody on the internet. 

You know what’s worse than being a nobody on the internet? Being a nobody who gets blacklisted from a real job. Even the physco’s at Fox News are passing around this video with crying face emojis asking “who’s this nutcase?”

If we play “an eye for an eye” we can just attribute this whole thing as something another dumb blonde did. But you know what? It’s not fair to call you dumb because you’re blonde just like it’s not fair to call all Muslims terrorists. Go back to reading the morning announcements and let guys like Jack Bauer handle the bad guys. 

No lie if I were front row for this I would lose my mind like a black person at at magic show.

It’s also interesting that these chicks lose their shit when a Taylor Swift song drops and are completely indifferent to Queen. It’s quirks like this that have Kanye thinking he can pretend he’s Freddy Mercury.

If you listen close you can hear their panties dropping to the floor when “Red” starts playing and I totally get that. If I were a chick you can throw your job, income, dick size, and looks out of the window, I’m yours if you know the least bit of Slight of Hand.

Magic man for the win.