By now you’ve all seen the latest little bucco going viral with his emotional 18 inning game yesterday.

The question here though is why are we always getting these first ballot hall of fame performances from kids when the Pirates on the road?

Don’t believe me? Lets flashback to the Pirates series last season in San Diego

https://twitter.com/hare_2002/status/604881385447288833?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

You know what we get at PNC instead of that kind of passion? 20,000 yinzers woo’ing and clowns using their iPad to take pictures.

I’m calling you out people.  Get your act together and bring some of that October spirit to the dog days of summer.  That kind of juice is contagious.

TribLiveA Tarentum woman believes the viral Pokémon Go game contributed to her daughter being hit by a car Tuesday at a busy intersection in Tarentum.

Tracy Nolan’s daughter, Autumn Deiseroth, 15, got banged up badly but is expected to be released from Children’s Hospital in Pittsburgh within a day, according to family.

“The girl never leaves the house,” said Nolan. “I thought, ‘what the heck,’ and gave her my phone and here’s what happened. I thought it would be a fun game, getting people out of the house. She’ll never play Pokémon again.”

Anytime a Pokemon Go player goes and gets hurt playing the country’s latest sensation it gets a chuckle. 

But just when you think it hit home and a Pittsburgh girl was the victim of the game her mom comes out with the quote of the year encapsulating what it is to be a parent in 2016. 

“The girl never leaves the house,” said Nolan. “I thought, ‘what the heck,’ and gave her my phone and here’s what happened”

Hilarious. 

This god-awful mother wakes up every day and cringes at the thought of actually parenting. Just when she thought she finally found an app to babysit her shut in daughter boom she’s roasted by a car. 

This right here is going to be evidence 1A when you try to prove Pokemon Go is just a means of correcting the population problem and thinning the herd. 

In a word where bully’s have been shoved in lockers and can’t police all the nerds Pokemon Go is just going to lure those nerd into oncoming traffic and get Americas numbers back where they need to be. 

For whatever reason Starling Marte wasn’t an All Star when the rosters were announced Tuesday.  Hope wasn’t loss as he was one of the finalist up for vote for the “final” all star spot. 

The Pirates social media went to the full court press spamming your timeline for votes. 

Yesterday it was announced Brandon Belt edged Starling Marte for the “final” All Star spot.

But never fear because I smelt bullshit and laid out the subsequent details hours before they could take place.

Fast forward less than 24 hours and what do you know….

Thats why you don’t buy into the Pirates social media tricks. Same reason you don’t buy a Playoff Tshirt for the Wild Card play in game. save your sheckles for championship gear or if you absolutley need a tshirt for casual Friday hit up Center Field Smoke. 

We had a ton of fun calling up big names like Jamison Taillon and even lesser names like Steven Brault and Chad Kuhl.

All along however, people we’re regurgitating the sentiment heard all over sports talk radio: “We want Glassnow.”

And while the conspiracy theorist suggested the Pirates would be in sell mode and thus had no use right now for Tyler, the numbers told another story. 

Glassnow walks WAY too many batters (Game Log). He’s looked stunning in outings and made some noise tossing no hitters through 5 but along the way managed to walk 5 guys. He’s had good stuff but hasn’t appeared to throw enough strikes. 

Over the course of the year his numbers do have some sex appeal. 

It’s a shame he’s debut against the Cardinals but the good news is that matchup tapers expectations opening the door for a fun afternoon if everything clicks. 

Chicago Tribune Chicago police are investigating a sexual assault allegation against Pittsburgh Pirates infielder Jung Ho Kang over an incident that allegedly took place when his team was in town last month, a police spokesman confirmed Tuesday.

Chicago police are investigating a sexual assault allegation against Pittsburgh Pirates infielder Jung Ho Kang over an incident that allegedly took place when his team was in town last month, a police spokesman confirmed Tuesday.

Kang, 29, has not been charged with a crime. His status with the team was unchanged. 

According to police, the Chicago woman met Kang through Bumble, a location-based dating app that allows only women to initiate conversations. Kang invited the woman to his Magnificent Mile hotel room on June 17, hours after the Pirates had lost a day game to the Cubs. 

The woman told investigators she arrived at Kang’s room at the Westin Hotel around 10 p.m. and he served her an alcoholic drink, police spokesman Anthony Guglielmi said. She said she blacked out about 15 to 20 minutes later, then drifted in and out of consciousness as he sexually assaulted her.

She told police she did not fully awaken until she was in a taxi and on her way home, according to Guglielmi.

Damnit. 

Here’s what we know:

1. Sexual assault is the undisputed worst crime you commit and often goes both unreported and under punished. 
2. Game of Thrones reminds us that eunuch’s used to be a regular thing so why not get back to cutting off guilty rapist penis.
3. While severe at time I think sexual assault is quick to be accused and it’s too easy to soil an innocent persons name after the guilt of drunken debauchery. It’s unfortunate that a consensual good time of a Friday night can lead to a innocent stigma that can be very difficult to shake even if 100% innocent.  If we’re going to protect the accuser with keeping their name annonomous how about we keep it on the DL for the plantiff until he’s proven guilty and then we can plaster his identity all over. 
4. On to our boy. His favorite thing about America? Girls. 
5. We know he’s big into  Tinder and in this case he used Bumble, a Tinder adjace app with the caveat that the woman must initiate. I thought at this point people only used those apps to find sex real quick. Hard to imagine this girl didn’t roll up to his hotel thinking sex was off the table. 
6. If he’s been into the dating app game for over a year it’s hard to imagine at this point that he doesn’t have a clear cut system worked out. Either he’s dodged accusations for a solid year or something is afoot with this accusation. 
7. Guilty or innocent this is gonna plagued this guy for the rest of his career. It’s unfortunate this city it going to have to endure another face of the franchise with rape accusations thrown his way.  Might be time to cut our losses and shut down the Kang Gong. 

https://twitter.com/penguins/status/746342538290692097

Boom. Where’s that Pirates Home Run kid?

Awesome news today.  With a new team it’s Vegas let’s ship that dog shit Vegas gold out to them and let us ride with Pittsburgh Black and Gold. 

My first though was “poor Cheese Chester…”

But the more I think of it the Stone Cold pierogi was probably tired of another smark throwing out the “well everyone said the Penguins were done in December…”

Sorry bruh we’re 14 games behind a historic Cubs team and don’t have the ace to out duel the competition in another one game playoff.

Stone Cold got his, as Big Poppa Pump was on hand to make the save an deliver a clothesline.  It was a full house of “Legends” on hand…

Side Note: Who did it better, the Stone Cold pierogi or Matt Light?

Not only did Matt execute the move better but sold it completely after complete with a turnbuckle and beers.  Plus Matt didn’t take a clothesline shortly thereafter.

Side Note: Lets go to the tape and enjoy some Scott Steiner because why not?

Since we left the parade last week and began to reintroduce Pirates gear back into our outfit rotation we’ve been met with the realization that the Pirates are much stinkier than we left them before the NHL playoffs.

Things started looking up last night when the Buccos jumped out to a 6-1 lead in the third and along the way absolutely blew this junior Yinzer’s mind.

Then the Pirates proceeded to blow a 5 run lead and end the game on a strike em out throw em out….

https://twitter.com/CFSmoke/status/745787639794667520

The series with the Giants concludes this afternoon but if you were headed to the game for today’s Gerrit Cole Bobblehead, I suggest curbing your enthusiasm because his names popping up in trade rumors…

Makes sense. When it came time to lock Cole up last winter management did not seem interested in paying Scott Boras money for their “Ace” while cheaper (and better?) arms like Jameson Tailon and Tyler Glassnow are waiting in the wings.

At this point the division is unwinnable, god forbid the Pirates have another one game playoff, are we confident in trotting out Cole vs the likes of Syndergaard, Scherzer, Bumgarner, or Kershaw?  Why not save the money and sell now?

If it truly is firesale time, there’s another Bucco Arm under consideration….

Erik Kratz is sweeping the city by storm.  Yesterday we covered his time as the official Turkey Bacon after his dinger was the difference in Monday’s 1-0 win over Giants ace Madison Bumgarner.

Game 2 vs the Giants wasn’t as pretty as the Buccos called up another pitcher not named Tyler Glassnow and fed him to the Giants who ate him right up and 10 runned the Pirates.

While most people reach for the remote in a baseball blowout it’s always intriguing to continue watching and see what position player makes an appearance as a relief pitcher soas not to burn innings on your bullpen and last night we got that position player on the bump by way of Mr. Turkey Bacon.

Kratz made an immediate impact, striking out Brandon Belt on his way to being the only Pirate to pitch a full inning and not give up a run.

How do you take a strikeout off a catcher and turn it into a positive? Just ask Brandon Belt

In all fairness, Erik Kratz wasn’t your run of the mill position player pitcher, he was dealing pure gas.

Assuming the Pirates stick with a four man rotation, Erik Kratz will make his next start Sunday vs the Dodgers.

I went into last nights game thinking the worse.  Madbum’s been on fire lately and the Pirate’s bats have been hibernating in recent weeks.

Color me shocked when our new backup catcher did some yardwork on Madison in the 5th.

Who is this guy you ask? A journeyman catcher originating in eastern PA but more importantly, he’s THE turkey bacon guy.

The Pirates get a lot of love for Ray Searage taking average pitchers and turning them into studs. If this turkey bacon fueled machine can be the next in a long line of journeyman catchers finally clicking (Martin & Cervelli) then I will eat turkey bacon all summer until the parade….