Denver Douchebag Thinks He Can Shit on a Terrible Towel? Not On My Watch

I want to get mad and carve this guy up but this guy is just another bandwagon fuckboy try hard. 

 
Grown men who wear jersies are always questionable. Parlay that with a grown man wearing gloves and that god awful hat and he’s already at the bottom with no hope. 

The worst part of all of this is he’s probably just some scrub out of towner making a stop in Denver to build his resume. Problem here is he’s on a decently large city’s morning show, yet his follower count is limited to the weirdo cat ladies in Denver. 

 
So next time you think to desicrate the original rally towel, that just so happens to have raised millions for people with mental and physical disabilities, check yourself. Because at the end of the day you just look like a piece of shit.

Side note, what kind of nasty shit did that lady want to do with the Terrible Towel!?  She was panting worse than a dog there, get a grip woman. 

If You Don’t Want to Get Carjacked in 2016 All You Need is a Manual Transmission

Trib A stick shift stopped two would-be carjackers who robbed a man at gunpoint in Pittsburgh. Police said the victim, 28, was in his car on North Euclid Avenue in the East Liberty neighborhood Tuesday night when a man tapped the barrel of a gun on the driver’s side window. The man got out of his car, and the gunman and a second suspect demanded money, said public safety spokeswoman Emily Schaffer. When the victim revealed he had none, the suspects took his cellphone and asked for the car keys — but lost interest in taking the car when he mentioned it’s a stick-shift, Schaffer said.

Oh man poor guy. Jumps in to steal a car no big deal right? Goes to pop it into drive and…
 

Look we’ve all been there. I’m sure these jabronies rolled into their interviews unprepared and told the king pin they could steal any car.
 

Every single interview I’ve been in I’ve credited myself as an excel master with vast knowledge of pivot tables but I stand here today without a clue how to do one. Lucky for me I have the ace in the hole known as YouTube in my pocket and call shame on these guys for not figuring it out on the spot. #newbs
 

One Day Athletes Will “Cheat” By Injecting Big Ben’s Blood

A FULL PARTICIPANT!?

This guy blows my mind.  We all saw the season flash before out eyes before the son of god resurrected after Jeremy Hill’s fumble and floated his way to victory.

One day we’ll all tell our grand kids about the magic that is Big Ben.  Some will scoff and insist it’s all the biggest ruse since the Bible but we’ll know what the Apostles knew way back when.

Granted when the fact checkers come at us we wont have a reasonable answer for a lot of questions.

Why does he get carted off when he hurt his shoulder? I have no idea, he probably get’s carted to kitchen when its dinner time who knows.

Moral of the story is whatever is running through Ben’s blood is going to be sold on a black market one day. HGH, Dear Antler Spray, & Big Ben Blood.  Those three things will be gearing up dudes in 2020, mark my word.

Would You Look At That, Pacman Offered AB an Apology

Oh yea that looked completely genuine and nothing like something out of a hostage movie.

The 32 Most Iconic Eye Rolls Of All Time

I’ll give a hat tip to whoever is holding Pacman hostage and forcing him to film this but his boy Vontaze Burfict is still a first ballot piece of shit.

I still refuse to believe AB is missing this weeks game.  He’s been reminding us that business is booming all week and is too much of a baller to be already inactive 2 days before kickoff.

The Bengal’s Defensive Coordinator Takes Lowest Road; Calls Joey Porter An Embarrassment

What a guy.  Talk about taking the high road after the seasons end.  I’m sure this will certainly help him find a head coaching job somewhere.

This just speaks to Joey Porter’s genius.  Was William Gay’s pick six celebration in week 14 over the top? Yes.  Did Joey Porter’s crawl to Gay’s open arms make it worse. Absolutely. But here’s the thing, Joey was so many steps ahead in his master plan that this was all just drop of gasoline so when he stepped foot on the field Saturday we had a spark for former Tag Team champion, Pacman Jones, to go on the attack.

15 yards later and the Boz kicks one through the uprights and through the souls of that tasteless city.  Paul Guenther wants to come out and try to make Joey Porter the bad guy? Maybe he should have spent the season keeping his goons in check soas not to raise attention to them all week.  Imagine if the referees were scared shitless of a massacre and didn’t have to stalk Vontaze and Pacman all game in fear they’d shank someone.  Maybe then they would have notice the Steel Trojan Horse wrecking havoc.

That entire organization is a dumpster fire from the head coach to the defensive coordinator.  If Hue Jackson doesn’t get out of their right away he’s doomed.

Pacman Jones Went on Dan Patrick Today to Give Antonio Brown a Grammy

Hey stupid, when did Antonio Brown get into the studio to record an album? Pretty sure he’s to busy being the best receiver and torching your teammates to lay down a track.

In the interest of fairness, lets take a quick look at the play, maybe AB deserves an Oscar.

Now, the last thing I’d ever want to do is offend a former TNA Tag Team Champion who made money faking violence, but for real Pacman, sit the fuck down.

I understand your game here, you’re hitching your wagon to anything you possibly can but here’s the thing.  Your “yea but his head didn’t fly off his shoulders so he was faking it” logic is absurd.  I wouldn’t be surprised if you were so dumb that you thought the slow motion video was live footage and believe Vontaze actually hit him in slow motion.

At the end of the day, you’re exactly what you were when the game kicked off, a fucking loser.

Side note, I love how Joey Porter ruffled Pacman’s feathers so much meanwhile the Bengals sent their entire staff on the field in the 3rd quarter along with what looked like several players still in their Star Wars costume from opening night.

beng

Simple Minded Ohio Folk Yuk It Up Over Their Big Ben Warning

Source

Number one, this is a prime example of a fan base grabbing the absolutely lowest hanging fruit.  Just a some simpletons from the sticks of Ohio having a good chuckle that they’re comedy geniuses attacking a story from 2010.  I’m overtly critical on the art of the trash talk and just want fanbases to be a smart shit talker.  I’ll bring the smarts to the locals who try to rip Philly on throwing snow balls at Santa because that happened literally 48 years ago and the joke is dead.  Same goes here Cincinnati, be better, be smarter and come up with something that isn’t a desperate ploy for viral content the day before your season ends.

Number two, when you go next level on this piece of garbage you realize their “warning” goes to Sunday morning.  If the game is Saturday night, why would Ben be out between then and Sunday morning? Oh because he’s celebrating his 5 touchdown performance & partying off Martavas Bryant’s tab who thanking Ben for the wakeup call which lead to his multi touchdown explosion on the stinkin Bungals.

tomlin

Love This Colin Kaepernick Lookalike’s Honesty When Asked How He’s Spending His Powerball Winnings

kaepLittle miss Tricia Takanawa thought she had all the power in the room here and starts shitting on this Colin Kaepernick lookalikes chances to win.  Love the perseverance from this guy to take her shit and flip it back on her head.  Everyone going to the store to buy tickets knows they have no chance of winning, but you know what’s worse than losing? When your neighbor wins with a quick pick and those could have been your numbers.  He should have just ripped that microphone out of her hand so he could drop it on the floor.  It’s that same logic that keeps me active when all the people I work with and dislike ask if I want to go in on a pool.  While I have no interest in seeing them win, I’ll be damned if I’m going to be the only sucker at work the next day because I was too cool to participate.

Love this guy’s honesty, he’s all in on hookers and coccaine, a terrific start to your lottery party.  You can tell his idea is terrific because she quickly says “we were hoping for a different answer” then when she actually thinks about it changes her mind to “that’s probably not the answer we’re looking for.” She realized she’s in Vegas and that’s absolutely what she’s doing when she wins the Fox 5 pool and get’s her cut.

Better believe I’m playing 14 24 2 7 15 too the next time this thing goes up.  Sure I’m splitting the pot with my new best friend, but he looks like the kind of guy that knows how to party.

According to the Sweaters, Pittsburgh is Hosting the NHL All Star Game

NHL The National Hockey League (NHL) today unveiled the jerseys that will be worn by the League’s All-Stars during the 2016 Honda NHL® All-Star Game at Bridgestone Arena in Nashville on January 31. Both All-Star team jerseys are available for purchase starting today at shop.NHL.com andNashville Predators team store, and at select local retailers beginning tomorrow.

First off, how does the NHL get away with a press release calling these jerseys?  The fan base is already largely made up of diehards, how is it a good idea to offend 99% of your audience attacking their biggest pet peeve and not calling them sweaters?

Now onto the specifics.

Each All-Star jersey features the official NHL Shield infused with the Predators’ gold in the crest. For the on-ice version of the All-Star jersey, the crest has been constructed with reflective material which glimmers in certain light as a salute to Nashville’s vibrant night-life scene. The black and white color scheme in each jersey shares the colors of the keys on a piano to celebrate the city of Nashville’s “Music City” nickname.

Wait what? That sounds like someone’s poor attempt at putting these jerseys sweaters into the spin zone.  Certain color pairings instantly trigger a sports team.  Purple and yellow is always the Lakers, and black and yellow is always Pittsburgh.  When some designer plugged those three colors into his pallet his computer should have lit up like a slot machine at the River’s and warned him the pallet was already taken.

Lets go next level and review, first lets take a look at the host team, the Nashville Predators, sweater.

Bright yellow and blue.  Got it.  But wait a minute, the All Stars are wearing jerseys consisting of black, yellow, and white.  Where have I seen that before?

Oh thats right!

Looks like I’m not the only one who noticed.

Sidney Crosby Not Invited to the All Star Game

CBC Despite a recent turnaround in a disappointing season, Sidney Crosby will miss his 10th NHL All-Star Game in 11 seasons.

The Penguins captain on Wednesday was left off the Metropolitan Division’s 10-man roster for the Jan. 31 event in Nashville, leaving centre Evgeni Malkin and defenceman Kris Letang to represent Pittsburgh.

Everybody calm down.  Sure, in the last 6 games the kid has 6 goals and 3 assists.  The Pen’s won half those games and only have one loss in regulation during that stretch but before Christmas he only had 22 points in the first 32 games.

A month ago the media just did what the media does and they took the radical approach that he was washed up and should be traded.  Those casual fans who hit the booths and vote for the All Stars soak in all those negative articles and this is what you get.

I personally can appreciate this approach.  I’ve watched too many mid summer classic’s where guys have average seasons are starting the All Star game even though they’re having their worst numbers in years and there’s a small market stud outplaying him.  I love that Crosby has turned it on in the last few weeks but a little mid season vacation to recharge can only help that hopeful cup run.

In related news, Geno is headed to the game representing the Wet Bandits.

wb

Also, how about the sweater’s they’re wearing in this years game? According to the league, the sweaters’ design is a “nod to the host city.”  I was unaware we were hosting the All Star game.

 

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