T

Just incredible.

If you’re a regular podcast listener you’ve heard him talk about baking pies.  He offered to make this how to video to show all kinds of jabronies how to score some points this holiday season.   That was the point of the video and yet he made it more entertaining than anything else on TV.

Spoiler alert, I almost choked on my coffee when he suggested there was someone out there jerking off to this.

Bill also let us know when he attends the Penguins holiday pie potluck he is going to have more faith in Phil Kessel’s crust than Sidney Crosby’s.

Bill Burr has a knack for taking a pile of coal and turning it into diamonds.  When he reads his advertisements on the podcast he has found a way to turn the part of the show I normally fast forward into one of the parts I look forward to and even re-listen to later.  It’s insane that advertisers drop the guy when he talks a little shit.  Guess what people those are the commercials that actually stick with listeners after he’s done talking about your crap.

PS: His cartoon drops on Netflix in a week.  We’re all in on this.

PPS: I really wished it was October 21st again because that would mean I’d get to see Bill live again tomorrow.

  
Follow @theyuppieyinzer

NY Post She’s the new Met good-luck charm — with a sexy secret weapon.

When Jon Niese pitches tomorrow on Opening Day against the San Diego Padres, his gorgeous new wife, Leah, will be wearing Amazin’ blue panties — just as she has faithfully done at every game pitched by the lefty love-of-her-life.

“I’m the superstitious one,” said Leah, 23. “I have lucky underwear — they’re Mets underwear.”

Leah and Jon, 26, married in January in Ohio after dating for more than three years.

Boom there you have it.  The Pirates are your 2016 World Series Champions.

If you fired up some local sports talk radio you hear the same “needs” from callers.

“We need a top of the line ace.”

“We need a power hitting first baseman”

I’m here to tell you right now that those aren’t the needs that win championships.  We needed some big city sex appeal and locked that down today via Leah Niese.

What did the Kansas City Royals do to get over that 2014 hump and win the 2015 World Series. Kendrys Morales? Child please. Edinson Volquez? We know that wasn’t the key.  Oh then it is definitely Johnny Cueto right? Nope he’s stinky too.

The key to the Royals success in 2015 was sending their playboy Eric Hosmer out and locking down Kacie McDonnell.  Kacie brought KC (zing) big city sex appeal to a small market and was the final piece to a championship team.

And don’t you worry Bucco fans, The Yuppie Yinzer is on his A-Game today, getting Mrs. Niese some fresh new black and yellow panties.

Yahoo Sports After losing out on Ben Zobrist, the New York Mets decided to go another direction at second base. The team reportedly traded pitcher Jon Niese to the Pittsburgh Pirates in exchange for second baseman Neil Walker. The deal is completed, but still pending medicals, according to Joel Sherman of the New York Post.

The 30-year-old Walker is coming off a season in which he hit .269/.328/.427, with 16 home runs, over 603 plate appearances. Walker is entering his final year of arbitration, and will be a free-agent at the conclusion of the 2016 season. He made $8 million last year, and is likely due a raise through the arbitration process.

Niese, 29, posted a 4.13 ERA for the Mets over 176 2/3 innings. While Niese started 29 regular season games, he was pushed to the bullpen once the team reached the playoffs. The Mets rotation is pretty much set for next season, and Niese would have likely been pushed to the bullpen unless the club decided to trade one of their young starters for offense. That doesn’t appear to be the case. Instead, Niese will be shipped out so he can start elsewhere and the Mets will retain their dominant, young rotation. Niese will make about $9 million next season, and has an $11 million club option for 2017.

Interesting trade here that seems to benefit both sides.  The writing has been on the wall for some time now that the homegrown product, Neil Walker, would not sign another contract with the Pirates.  Once our favorite Pirate, Jung Ho Kang proved his value the whispers called for Neil’s exit and an infield consisting of Kang, Jordy Mercer, and Josh Harrison.  After losing out on the likes of JA Happ Jon Niese should fit in nicely with the rotation.

Bucco’s management will now hopefully shift their attention to the glaring hole at first base…

r/Steelers

Its the “most wonderful time of the year.” At companies across America it’s time to put your game face on and hob nob with people you likely could not care less about.  In some cases if your company wants to be trendy its Secret Santa or Yankee Swap time.

Ideally you’re coming out with an awesome present but in a society that gets lamer and lamer there is probably some HR clown cockblocking any alcoholic presents so you’re likely ending up with someones crap.

This year however you can take the high road and show up and watch your gift get swapped all afternoon and leave an entire room jealous of the one guy who gets a Big Ben Mother Theresa candle.

Get yours today at Fandle Candles

Skittles are here to stay into today’s NFL.  A few years back Marshawn Lynch’s fascination with Skittles went viral and soon they were raining down on him when he scored TD’s.  This year it looked like Skittles jumped the shark when Lynch showed up on a QVC-looking show selling boxes.

Fast forward 3 months and now Antonio Brown, who’s reinventing the TD celebration game, is following in Marshawn’s footsteps pimping Skittles.

The real question here is what’s really going on with Skittles?  I think we are just scratching the surface here on something that is about to blow up like when Cam Newton threw a Dab out after a TD and every college coach followed suit.

https://twitter.com/barstoolsports/status/670713830486462464

https://twitter.com/phillybrown10/status/670708853118509056

I almost feel like an old man here but I’m smart enough to smell something is up.  It’s like some underground mix tape out there has invented a double entendre with Skittles and we’re seconds away from it going mainstream.

After your boy Barry Obama interrupted the pregame show, the Steelers laid the smackdown on the once promising Colts.  The offense clicked on all cylinders but it was the special teams that created a buzz into Monday morning.

Earlier in the day the 49er’s Jimmie Ward flipped into the endzone on a pick six emulating Antonio Brown from a few weeks back.  Naturally with a few hours to prepare, Antonio debuted the latest in greatest in touchdown celebrations.

Full disclosure: When I saw Antonio Brown back to return a punt in the 4th quarter of the game I was MF’in Tomlin for keeping him in the game.  This season has been littered with injuries and I could not stomach losing one of the best players in the NFL on a trivial punt.  Instead we got this fire-jam video so I’ll admit I was wrong.

https://twitter.com/TheCauldron/status/673871916164390913

Now it’s time to suit up.  The Steelers have two enormous games coming up against the top of the AFC.  We know we can beat the Bungals and split that series but the big one is coming in two weeks versus the Broncos at home.  It’s easy to throw credit there way but the Pats proved yesterday they’re a dumpster fire crawling to the post season where they can hopefully get healthy.  A few marquee wins here and the Steelers will be a dangerous wildcard team no one wants a piece of.

Jimmy Kimmel and his guest Batman Ben Affleck dropped the latest Batman vs Superman trailer tonight and 2 minutes later I kinda thought it was just another prank on society to get a laugh. (Side note, why did Ben look so wierd tonight? Did he have work done or something?)

  
Update: Tonight was the first night he ever left his house without the beard slash five o’clock shadow. See for yourself:

  
The beard was clearly specific instructions from Jenifer Garner. When he left their mansion and hit the streets in bachelor city his first stop was a CVS to get his Gillete essentials. Take that Jen. 

When the first trailer leaked, I was apprehensive to jump on board. Man of Steel was hot garbage where the “hero” destroyed a city while everyone applauded him for “saving” it. Fast forward to the sequel and it was interesting to see Bruce Wayne shared my opinion and would provide the catalyst for the conflict. 

Tonight’s trailer gave us more Lex Luthor who was apparently hosting an event. Purists will probably take this freeze frame to bed tonight now that their three favorite comic characters are together on the silver screen. 

  
For the first two minutes I stayed on the fence. The concept of the two most famous superheroes battling one another is intriguing but it’s easy to see why Hollywood has stayed away from it. Right. After those first two minutes however things started to go off the rails when the bad guy from The Incredible Hulk shows up. 

Oh great another alien rides into town to destroy it, great. Don’t worry though it looks like he’s met his match by way of Captain America’s Wonder Woman’s shield oh boy!!

  
And everyone lived happily ever after the end. 

  
When the True Detective trailer dropped I wasn’t immediately sold. Good news for me is I never spent a second on season two and dodged that bullet. Even though I clearly have a knack for IDing clunkers I will be going against my better judgement and sinking some sheckles into this. 

Mostly so I’m still the loop when I check out  Suicide Squad.

BOOM. Who woulda thunk the queen of the Yinzers would be a smokeshow the likes of Sofia Vergara. Just goes to show all the Yinzers that all you need is incredibly great looks and an electric personality. 

Side note. Find a harder ring than Joe’s

That’s a joke. You can’t. 

If you have a black heart and need even more to love this guy it should be noted the couple asked that in lieu of gifts, guest make donations to Children’s Hosptial of UPMC. 

😍😍😍😍

WTAE Two Westmoreland County women are facing non-traffic citations for using stun guns inside the Greensburg-area Primanti Bros. restaurant.Around 11 p.m. Saturday, state police were called to the restaurant on East Pittsburgh Street by an employee who told them that the women had been causing disruptions but had since left the property.

“While they were in the restaurant, they thought it was a good idea to bring a stun gun out and set it off several times at the bar,” Trooper Stephen Limani said. “They were in the restroom, these two females were in the restroom, and they were using this stun gun to alarm people that were inside the stalls by reaching inside the stalls and setting it off.“

It’s the reason for the season, a tradition unlike any other.

As we head into Thanksgiving Week it’s time to get the ole crew back together and hit the bars.  In a hyper sensitive society when you can no longer tap your foot under the bathroom stall and count on some glory hole action its obvious why the latest and greatest craze is tasing your poop neighbor instead.

I’m really not sure either why Johnny Law is playing Debbie Downer and calling into question these (I assume) lovely lady’s “cognitive though processes.”  Not cool man, words are hurtful.  Since when were taser’s not the preferred toy of choice for police to play with on otherwise slow afternoons?

Damn things seldom work anyway…

Wait a second, in what world do we live in where you get put in jail for defending your house from an intruder, let alone when you have this sign posted.

Pretty clear not matter who’s jersey you’re wearing you are catching a bullet if you show up to Earl Dunbar’s house uninvited.

Sure, football is like a religion and if you swap their jersey’s out for holy books this story sounds like something out of Palestine but a man cannot be held accountable when he left the disagreement and went home only to be followed by some troll.

Side note, can we follow up on this guy’s birthday party for his grandmother at church?