A month ago I dreaded heading into another one game playoff against an elite pitcher.  Saw it last year and it sucked.  Jake’s been so far into my brain I almost validated the Pirates throwing the last game of the season and playing tonight;s game in Wrigley so we didn’t give him the benefit of a pitchers park but instead a park when a can of corn popout could sail over the wall.  Dallas Keuchel’s dominance last night did not help ease my anxiety, I was almost ready to mail it in when we got the hot take of the century from Karen Evans.

Get the fuck out of my face Jake Ariana.  All year as this guy ascended and became elite he drew comparisons to the likes of Clayton Kershaw, the two time defending Cy Young.  Let us run the tape, his dominance extends to October right??

5.12 is obviously good right?

We got this.  Yesterday Andrew McCutchen took to the Players Tribune to rehash one of the greatest Pirates moments (at least in my time).  Here let me refresh your memory:

There’s your key to the game, atmosphere.  That right there is why we did not lose on Sunday and are playing host once again to the NL Wildcard Play in game.  We’ve got all hands on deck tonight from Bills list of chants to cripple Jake Ariana’s brain:

(Side note, hey Ken how bout a little fucking enthusiasm.  Sorry you had to take a break from reporting murders to lead into a great story about the Pirates,  Wake up for god’s sake.)

To one of the most intimidating atmosphere’s in sports a blackout.  (Not to be confused with that garbage whiteout where the idiot fans wear the same color as the visiting team).

And to answer your question, yes we are absolutely in Jake Ariana’s head.

Don’t worry guy, you’ll get yours.

Hop aboard that Cole Train

Oh shit, now they gone and fucked up.

Last night after an poor showing from the substitute kicker, the D, O, double G took to Instagram to voice his displeasure with Scobee Doo. Pittsburgh’s got its very own“Eat Dat Pussy” but it was an important rant we needed from a public figure.

Cue the throwback:

If I’ve said it once I’ve said it a million times. The money in children is not sending them off to school to crack the books. From the time he or she can stand up on their own it’s time to start kicking footballs. From Alabama costing themselves a chance at a national title in 2013 to the latest abomination of a kicker last night, there’s barely a handful of people on this planet that can blast a pigskin through the uprights with consistency.

There is no sense pissing away tens of thousands of dollars on a bullshit degree and having to spend your twenties looking over your shoulder at Sallie Mae coming at you like Freddy Krueger. Learn how to kick field goals, have a scholarship from every big time university, and spend 4 years winning games, running through an endless supply of pussy, and get that same degree on the cheap.

Look, I understand its these companies job’s to maximize profits and maybe after two stubborn years you’re finally ready to jump on the bandwagon and find yourself without any Bucco gear. But here’s the thing, there are hundreds of thousands of people out there with reminders in their closet reading “2013” or “2014 postseason”.

The golden rule for fandom has to be to only buy regular season merchandise or champion merchandise. If you have no black and yellow to wear this October go get a nice shersey with your favorite player, that’s a great investment. Assuming Neil Walker isn’t your favorite player, you can continue to capitalize on your purchase next year and not look like a jabroni who raided Ross or TJ Max in November.

Plus, if they sucker you now, they’ll sucker you later. It’s much cooler to have a shirt that reads “The Postseason WAS Ours.”

Save your shekels, you work hard for them… then head over to the clubhouse store after the parade and make that place rain.

30 for 30 Shorts: The Pittsburgh Drug Trials – Our latest film, directed by Michael Jacobs, tells the story of how a cross-cultural scourge bled into the national pastime and made the front page of every paper in the country.

Last night the Pirate’s clinched their third straight playoff appearance. The Pirates cocaine use back in the day is no secret, but after the last two years where quality teams couldn’t get the job done, it may be time to repeat history to bring a World Series back to Pittsburgh.

If there is one thing Rust Cohle taugh us, it’s that “time is a flat circle.” We’ve taken MVP’s to a post season run, made trades to sure up the lineup, and had unknown players emerge as household names but maybe all we need is a little coke from the Parrot.

Gregory Polanco’s twitter handle is @El_Coffee, but it has become clear that coffee is only producing a .256 hitter still waiting to eclipse double digits in home runs this year. Lets add a little angel dust to his coffee and reap the benefits of a guy launching balls into the Monongahela River… And no that is not an error, I want Polanco so hopped up he’s crushing baseballs over the Pittsburgh skyline and into the Monong.

We got no running back…. our Pro Bowl center broke his leg… we lost a wide receiver… OUR PETS HEADS ARE FALLING OFF

What is going on here. A few months ago we were laughing straight to the bank expecting a week one win versus the Brady-less Patriots. Now here we are 2 weeks out and Brady’s probably playing, Leveon Bell definitely isn’t and now the league’s taking Bryant from us?

What are the odds after the NFL botched deflategate Tom Brady’s lawyers pressured Goodell to suspend a Steeler to cover damages and Roger settled on the Steelers #3?

Think about it…

Is the Steelers bubble bursting? Everyone and their mother is chasing Steelers in early rounds of their fantasy drafts after an historic season last year. The hype machine is rolling and I’m starting to fear this hype is going to blow up in our face and we’ll be left with too many of those clunker games where the offense is putrid and the defense is swiss cheese….

It seemed like a nice night for a ball game. The Buccos were coming off another walk off and headed to Miami for a set with The Fish. After Erik Cordiee got tossed for hitting Sean-Rod, Pittsburgh native, Scott McGough went to the bump to face the Pirates in the 8th when this unslightly sniff went down…

You miss it? Let’s roll that back. 

Now listen, I get it, it’s Florida. Lord knows I’ve spent hours flipping threw the endless wierd stories on the Internet that take place in Florida so nothing at this point should surprise me. Be that the case, this high roller in the first row behind the dugout out definitely caught my eye. 

Does he not know how easy it is for a pit check? A fairly innocuous arm raise and sniff can achieve much the same results without contaminating your hand for any potential ballpark snacks. This guy didn’t need to dig out his stink like its nut butter and go for the debonair sniff we see you bruh. 

When you’re headed to the ball park you gotta know there’s a chance you’ll be on camera. Don’t be wearing a jersey for team not playing, don’t abuse your girlfriend for a foul ball, don’t take snap shots with an iPad, and for the love of god don’t sit in the front row and wipe your pit sweat all over your mouth. 

Follow @theyuppieyinzer

h/t @Benstonium

Wow. That right there is why Al Gore invented the Internet. There is something special about this year’s team and its infuriating that the stinkin Cardinals are cock blocking the Buccos way to first place and some home field advantage.

This video comes in at a strong ten. Whatever button this guy hit to created the “weathered VHS” was perfect. 

It’s Pedro Alvarez however, for the win, that stole the show. 

  
If you’re a Bucs fan not following Benstoniun wake up. Their content is a necessary complement to any A+ franchise and I can’t wait to see what we get come October. 

Jung Ho should channel his frustration into putting a ball into the drink and walk in this one off already. 

Since day one I’ve been riding the Pat Narduzzi hype train.

The simple fact that he had the pedigree of turning 3 star guy’s into first round picks was enough to get pumped for the hire. Then tidbits starting leaking about the intense practices, he tried to reignite the classic rivalries, and now the team gets to set up shop in a first class facility? Gimme some fire emoji’s.

Football is less than 3 weeks away, Narduzzi has made strides already without having coached a game. Get him on that sideline and start winning some championships.

https://twitter.com/ajbroadh2o_24/status/631552632759435264

The good news is if the Buccos pull out a World Series, this guy is a hero. The bad news however is the Pirates are stuck in second place and have a surging Cubs team to fight off for that home wild card play in game. 

Technically speaking the Pirates are still a long shot to win it all.

Unlike the current crop of attendees, if we could get 38,496 hardcore fans like this guy in the house for the home playoff games those odds drastically increase. That’s the kind of championship atmosphere we want. 

Personally I think the guy is a nutcase.  It’s a violation to run out to Dicks in October and get the “Postseason” gear and the subsequent  NL champs gear. The only gear you ever buy is World Series championship gear. There’s no need to have any “Tshirt turned dust rags” reminding you of any potential post season collapse. Hopefully this guy has a full plan how to convert 2015 if needed.