HeraldStandard Troy Polamalu called Dan Rooney last night to inform him he was retiring from football. The Steelers had asked Polamalu to retire in February, but he resisted until the realization came upon him in church this week, the Holy Week of the Greek Orthodox Church. “It’s all about family,” said Polamalu in a phone interview. “I live here in Pittsburgh now, and since the end of the season I’ve had a chance to enjoy my family on a level I never had before. It was awesome.” Polamalu retires after 12 seasons, in which the eight-time Pro Bowler and four-time first-team All-Pro played in 158 regular-season games, 15 playoff games and three Super Bowls. In those games, the Steelers’ strong safety made 710 tackles, intercepted 35 passes, forced 13 fumbles, recovered seven fumbles, scored four touchdowns and won two championships. In his prime, No. 43 was one of the greatest to ever play the game.

And that’s the end of an era. Troy has lost a step the last few years and his wreckless play ultimately cost him the rest of this past season. His leadership will definitely be missed as the defense continues to get younger. 

The big question on everyone’s mind… Who is the hair of the burgh now?  Cutch just hacked off his locks and now with Polamalu no longer suiting up its an open race for the title of hair of the burgh. 

Wouldn’t surprise me one bit to see Ben show up with a Yinzer skullet.

Well we threw our best three pitchers against a team that was hot garbage last season. Looks like Joey Votto is back to being a hate-able Canadian so this season should be fun.

The good news is the Brewers haven’t won a game either, but the bad news is these games are in the Miller House of Horrors…. Hopefully we still have a division to play for when the home opener rolls around.

Fox40 Porche Wright, 27, was arrested and booked into the Sacramento County Jail this weekend. She’s facing felony child abuse and attempted murder charges. The Sacramento Police Department was called to a home on El Camino Avenue and Cantalier street Saturday afternoon. Neighbors say the young mother lit her 7-year-old daughter on fire.

Unbelievable story here. Not the fact that a woman named Porsche would be a prostitute that lit her kid on fire. That part to me is believable. Freakanomic did a story on baby names and specifically how the stripper names don’t lead women down that road, but instead the kind of parent who would give their kid a stripper name then leads their kid down that road. Obviously she had some pretty awful parents (likely just a mother) who set her up from day one to be a piece of shit scumbag who would even consider, let alone follow through with, lighting her child on fire.

No the part here that is unbelievable is the fact that she was actually paid money to have sex with. Woof. Good chance her pimp isn’t going to be too upset to find out he won’t be collecting sales from this ho anymore, I doubt she was ever very prosperous to begin with. When I first read the headline my imagination was Heather Graham in the Hangover lighting up little Carlos, couldn’t have been farther off from this Jerry Springer castoff.

Great opportunity here to go ahead an re institute the ole “eye for an eye” punishment. I cannot think of a more deserving time to throw some gasoline on a scumbag and light that bitch up.

I thought this was coming Sunday after the Game of Thrones premiere but it looks like we got a little gift early… Or so I thought.

Really disappointed by the teaser here since I don’t felt teased. All they really gave us was a slide show of the actors in this season set to some dark music.

Sons of Anarchy loved the brooding, no dialogue montage and that show turned into a chore to watch. If you were all in on the first season of True Detective you were left disappointed by the season finale. The first seven episodes were television gold only for the finale to be highlighted with “making flowers” and some weird astrology. Truth be told, the reddit page for True Detective did a better job speculating at some killer resolutions which ultimately watered down the actual finale.  I need the first glimpse of season two to come out guns blazing and put me on the edge of my seat in anticipation for the premiere.  The teaser was a nice reminder but certainly did not make it move.

The one thing that cannot be argued, is the brilliance of Rust Cohle. A great character, with great dialogue that extended into Lincoln commercials. The creators dug themselves into a hole with that one, and know they need to come out with a banger of a character for this second run.

Taking a look at the four major characters and their odds to steal the show.

Colin Farrell 2/1
The favorite out of the gate is going to be Colin Farrell.  His career resurgence started with Horrible Bosses, and logic points here for the “McConaughey-esque” jump back to the A list.  He’s committed with the hair and stasche combo so we’ll see how gritty he gets.

Vince Vaughn 3/1
On paper, Vince Vaughn makes the most sense to steal the show.  But with the knowledge that he an ex-con type now working for the man his unique banter might now be enough to get him ahead of the good guys here.

Taylor Kitsch 5/1
Mr Friday Night Light’s is sure to steal some hearts but he is up against some stiff competition.  He’s been getting bigger roles and this could be where he becomes a household name but there a lot of other bigger dogs in this yard.

Rachel McAdams 10/1
This little minx is playing with the boys and while her odds suggest she is a long shot, the original premise for season 2 was “hard women, bad men and the secret occult history of the United States transportation system.” Rachel is likely that hard woman, so while an underdog, don’t be shocked when she is queen.

Season 2 kicks off June 21, can’t wait to see how everything plays out.

Golf Channel A day after finishing tied for 24th at the Valspar Championship, Jason Dufner agreed to a divorce settlement with his wife Amanda. The Dufners were married in May 2012 and according to court documents obtained by GolfChannel.com the two separated on Feb. 17, 2015.  According to the divorce settlement, which was filed on March 16 by Amanda Dufner, there had been an “irretrievable breakdown of the marriage” and there was “a complete incompatibility of temperament that the parties can no longer live together.”

A lot of golf fans often credited Jason Dufner as “living the dream.” A slob golfer, certainly not turning heads, managed to lock down that little minx Amanda. If the photos above aren’t selling you, here’s another sip:

Let’s go ahead and take these facts to the next level. Last May Rory McIlroy dumped his fiancé Caroline Wozniacki only days after sending out the wedding invitations.  From there he proceeded to go ahead and win The Open Championship AND The PGA Championship.  And just when Caroline was becoming a thing of the past she goes and pops up on national television as JJ Watt’s side piece for Monday’s National Championship.

That move is straight out of the Kim Kardashian playbook for getting some national attention.  Real good chance this lights the fire of the odds on favorite to win the Masters.

The writing is on the walls here. Women just hold back a golfers potential. Doesn’t matter if they’re a smokeshow or professional tennis player, the’re putting a lid on these guys.

If that’s not enough proof, let’s take last years Masters winner. A few weeks back Bubba Watson was on Jimmy Fallon where he revealed that after the adoption of his son in 2012 his wife couldn’t join him at the Masters. Without those guilt inducing looks at dinner Bubba was free to crush burritos multiple times a day. Guess what happened….

Two years later Bubba was back at the Moe’s in Augusta leading up to the Masters and guess what happened.

So the answer is a championship golf pedigree is simple. Lose the girl, then eat fat for a week. Lucky for Jason Dufner I get the feeling that he will have no issue with eating fat. Given the timeline of his divorce it certainly seems he will have enough time to bulk up before he tees up Thursday.

The good news for you is The Yuppie Yinzer is all about giving back to our faithful readers. According to VegasInsider.com Jason is currently sitting at 100/1 odds to wear that green jacket.

 If you need a little bit more action, Dufner is a nice value buy over at Draft Kings 2.2 Millionaire Maker and you can hedge your bet pairing him up with our favorite Moe’s Customer and our favorite Perkins customer.

The writing is all over this one. Go ahead and lock on these free money bets and sit back and watch Jason squeeze into a nice tight green jacket next Sunday.

We were nervous about this back in February and now it is true. The NFL announced today a three game suspension for Le’Veon Bell. This a day after only hitting LeGarrette Blount with a single game suspension hmm….

I really hope this cop can’t show his face at the office anymore. I know its part of their schtick to be an insufferable hardo but come on man if you pull over the Steelers running back in broad day light smoking a little pot let him live.

There was a lot of talk of the Steelers matching up against the Pats in that week 1 Thursday Night Kickoff game. With both teams running back down suspended go ahead and cue all the “jokes” calling it the Smoke A Super Bowl maaaaaaaaaaaan.

Side note, where the hell is The Cleaner? ESPN gave this guy an entire story about how he keeps the Steelers player out of trouble only for their best player getting busted and suspended? WTF man?

WTAE Police went onto the water in boats Wednesday after getting unconfirmed reports that an alligator was spotted in the Monongahela River. Southwest Regional Police said a man reported that he saw what he believed to be an alligator, about 6 to 7 feet long, swimming upstream in Belle Vernon around midnight. “He said it had its head out of the water about seven inches,” Police Chief John Hartman said. “He saw both of its eyes looking at him as it proceeded past him — the point of the tail, the tip of the tail.”

Before everyone gets into a hissy, based on the measurables it is just as likely it’s Tim Tebow swimming to Heinz Field in seach of a job. #zing

Now in the event this is the real deal, I’m leading the charge to make Mongo (his name) into the biggest piece of folklore since The Loch Ness Monster.  As it stands now there is no photographic evidence but thanks to a slow news day and two Yinzers making claims, this story lead off tonight news. 

Mongo shirts on sale Monday. Get em while they’re hot hot hot. 

Nope. The Penguins did this city about as dirty as possible. 

It blows my mind that this team is going to go down in history having only won a single Stanley Cup. 

Spin zone. At least it was an overtime loss and they stole a point. They can still pull a rabbit out of their hat and it was helpful that our daddy, the Flyers, slowed down the Islanders ahead of our matchup. Need to right the ship and quick. With only 2 games left and lots of competition for our playoff spot it’s time to act like you have the two best player in the sport and go balls out.

Comedy Hype Dave Chappelle looks to be making 2015 his year to officially come back. Since his departure from The Chappelle Show on Comedy Central, he has returned into comedy with a series of stand-up dates. Despite being on the road over the past few years, Chappelle has not released a solo special since 2005 (For What It’s Worth). Over the weekend we discovered that during his recent shows at Austin’s ACL Live in Texas, Chappelle taped his newest set of material for fans. Sources have revealed that the ‘untitled’ special will be premiering on HBO. A date when it will air has not yet been confirmed but judging from a few reactions of those who attended the taping, Chappelle didn’t disappoint.

This is EXACTLY what this world needs. Since Dave Chappelle left television the world has more or less gone to shit. Snoop Dog drops a dozen consecutive N bombs and people laugh while Andrew Harrison has to apologize for giving Frank Kaminsky the greatest compliment a white guy can receive. Chappelle fixed the racism outrage for some time but in his absence society is forgetting to laugh at funny situations and choosing to go the road of fake outrage.

That wasn’t even his whole schtick either, he could take any basic idea and turn it into comedic gold.

These days people think it’s edgy to come up with a comedy on ABC called “Blackish.” Chappelle drastically improved white shows like Trading Spouses and The Real World, lord knows he’d have a field day with this one. Every time I turn on the news anymore I get a good chuckle just imagine how he could turn today’s current events into the funniest show on TV.

No date yet for this HBO special, but whenever it may be grab a Samuel Jackson and laugh your dick off.

Yes Yes Yes, baseball is back. Francisco Liriano was named the opening day starter for the second year in a row, Josh Harrison is locking down thirdbase, and one day our favorite Korean will be launching bombs in PNC.

There is a lot of excitement, both locally and nationally, with ESPN aboard the hype train as well.

Going into Spring Training the NL Central narratives surronded the continued success of the Cardinals and the up and coming Cubs. Judging from last night the Cardinals will remain elite, but the Cubs aren’t exactly the 1-B of the division. Until they knock off the Bucs, that titled stays in Pittsburgh.

Side note, how pathetic was it that Jon Lester is deathly afraid of picking off runners? The Cardinals had his balls in their back pocket last night and were taking leads off first base twice as far as I have ever seen, not to mention vs a left handed pitcher. As much as ESPN is going to try to stuff the Cubs down our throats, we wont have to worry about them this year.

Now to the face of the franchise…

Get me my red pen. That was a lovely tweet yesterday, but I’m certain he had this tweet queued up for today and tweeked it for Easter.

Jesus Andrew arose from the dead offseason w/ all power in his hands! #OpeningDay #LetsGoBucs

Ah yes much better. I still am skeptical about cutting your hair, hope you prove me wrong.

Play ball.