KDKA A man from Ellwood City is accused of trying to lure several Amish children. Investigators said 38-year-old Lucas Klobetanz waited for the children outside their school, and tried to lure them into an outhouse on two occasions. The first incident happened on Oct. 3, around 1 p.m.

Apparently Amish kids are the next big thing to abduct. I wonder if this guy thinks he can capitalize on a storied history of furniture makers and invent the next electric fireplace.

Smellwood’s only hours away from Cleveland, there is a real chance Lucas thought he could pull off another Ariel Castro kidnapping by taking the most naive people in the area. I think he may have undersold the Amish however, I know if I were trying to lure them in a car I’d hack off that mustache and rock a killer Amish beard.

For serious, this cold is deadly.

Rolled about of bed and wanted to give double birds to this mornings commute but I’m too good an employee and volunteered to share my secrets and lead a training. Almost paid a premium to pay to park downtown but my hardo brain tricked me into staying at Consol and making the half mile trek into town.

Needless to say when I arrived at the office and tried to warm up it became a hostage negotiation trying to get my testicles to drop down and return to normal. The worst people out there are the ones who try to sell you that they actually enjoy days like this. In their scattered brains they claim to “appreciate” days like this and they couldn’t live in a place that doesn’t have all the seasons. Fuck that, Daniel Tosh said it best, I want to live in a place that skips the shitty seasons.

While the NBA All Star Game was going on at the Garden, the real party was poppin off at 30 Rock. Right out of the gate we got another Jimmy/Justin combo of sheer perfection. They rapped, sang, and danced through all the biggest catch phrase in SNL’s 40 year history and couldn’t have been better. Really hoping for another album from JT so we can get another Timberweek on Fallon.

From there we got montages of great clips, as well as new acts dusting off our favorite characters through the years. We got Miley singing a Paul Simon song even though Simon was in the house and another Kanye artsy fartsy piece I’m pretty sure was a really funny skit?

Best Kanye moment however came during Wayne’s World when the guys mentioned famous music acts including Beyoncé and Beck… With Beck being better.

Another classic, Celebrity Jeopardy, returned with its latest iteration. While we started with one of the best impression of late, Justin Bieber, I felt slighted there was no Burt Reynolds. Good news for everyone, both he and another great recent impression, Mathew McConaughey (thanks Google), also made appearances.

Solid show top to bottom, best show on TV on a Sunday night in February. Let’s make this annual thing. How bout it NBC?

The Players Tribune My parents loved me, but they had to work hard to put food on the table, and there wasn’t much left over. They didn’t have the option of skipping a shift to take me to a tournament over the weekend. The hard choices started when I was very young. “Do you want that video game system for Christmas, or do you want a new baseball bat?”

No question Andrew McCutchen is one of the best players in the game right now. And while it’s exciting to finally have our guy after the likes of Xavier Nady and Nyjer Morgan I really wish there was a lot more positivity surrounding our MVP. Before this piece, Cutch told his same sob story on E60.

Cutch is already a baller on the field but really needs a brighter light off the field. Clayton Kershaw went viral on 2013 when he and his crew accepted his Cy Young.

Kershaw picked up cool points, you want to go hangout with him and his boys. I get the feeling if Cutch’s wife lets him out he’s gonna rant about poverty in baseball. Cutch needs to spruce up his image and pick up some public perception points. Simple enough, and then he’ll get the votes he needs so an position player with elite number can pick up the MVP he earned.

Don’t count on an MVP performance in the All Star Game from your boy Step Curry tomorrow night because Rihanna’s found her prey and they gonna be up all night.

Real stupid play thinking JJ would kill it, the hair cut fooled me. Steph Curry killed it, how the hell did he not get a ride to Duke or UNC? Neil Walker got to the show since he’s an MLB legacy, have to imagine Del had enough swag to get Steph to Chapel Hill.

Good news for Rihanna is Steph doesn’t hit women like he hits threes. ZING

ESPN.com Kearney is both a high-ranking Allegheny County sheriff’s officer and, since 2001, the head of security for Pittsburgh’s iconic NFL franchise. In that role, he answers to president Art Rooney II, who oversaw Robert Mueller III’s recent investigation into the Ray Rice domestic violence incident alongside New York Giants president John Mara.

Last week all kinds of NFL players were getting arrested. Fortunatley this time there were no Steelers on the NFL’s Police Blotter, and that may be thanks to this guy, Allegheny County sheriff’s, Lt. Jack Kearney.

For years now Kearney has been using his experience and connections to put himself between Steelers player and Johnny Law. Most notably he beat detectives to Mike Adams hospital room to both brief Mike on how to answer the questions, as well as moving Adams’ truck, a key piece of evidence. Looks like he couldn’t help Leveon Bell and his troubles from last summer.

I’m sure this falls into that grey area of rule breaking, but its a genius move. Teams hire people to feed players like Peyton Manning and Russell Wilson with prepared answers for every interview they do. There’s a lot more players giving interview to police these days so might as well have a coach for this situation too.

From the players standpoint it’s also a nice guy to have in your wingman. Knowing what kind of evidence the police will try to find, he can navigate dicey situations, say maybe your franchise quarterback being accused of rape, and have a game plan to acquit players of any chargers.

Shut the front door. John Cena’a following The Rock’s footsteps to Hollywood, and even if we get his entire scene in this preview he walks out with the funniest line of the film. I’ve been saying for years that Cena and Mark Wahlberg drank too much of the same Massachusetts water and look eerily alike. Matt Damon, another Boston guy, could be their second cousin too.

Lebron seems to have finally turned a corner himself. For years people rip him for his lack of a killer instinct on the court and it looks like his people finally are embracing who is really is. Lebron’s got a larger part than Cena, playing the role of the main characters bicuruous friend and absolutely owns it. Great casting here, real good chance here that Judd Apatow got wind that Lebron spends afternoon shoot around trying to get Kevin Love to come to his Downton Abbey parties.

Think about it, makes a lot of sense why Lebron was so pissed “someone” wasn’t trying to fit in.

I guess Downton Abbey is pretty special…

That’s the biggest problem with the country right now. Everyone wants a retweet and will sell their soul if it gets them a follow.

No question this kind of act deserves tons of kudos. The problem here is Kipnis scurrying off and tweeting about it. Get real bruh. Did you do it to honor someone who put their life on the line so your country can sell Mexican cuisine? Or did you do it to get some retweets? Because the way you’re carrying yourself you look like an attention whore.

Now being an attention whore can still allow you the opportunity to give back. Let’s see you’ve got to be making some decent coin at this part of your career.

Well shit look at that. What you do is take some of that money and host “Jason Kipnis Burrito Day” for veterans in Cleveland. Boom. You get the soldiers their Mexican food and you let someone else tweet how nice you are.

Nothing worse than Twitter people fishing for complements.

CBS News H.J. Heinz said Monday it is launching a new ketchup flavor that includes the popular red Thai hot sauce Sriracha. The Pittsburgh-based company said it will start selling a ketchup blended with Sriracha flavor this month. Sriracha’s ingredients include chili pepper paste, garlic, and vinegar. The sauce is named for and patterned after flavors from eastern Thailand.

Just like Hollywood, it looks like there’s no creativity left in the food industry. I’m sure part of the problem here is Heinz was bought out by Berkshire Hathaway almost a year ago and since then has had laser beams on the bottom line. Might as well jump on this overrated bandwagon, sit back, and collect.

Could be worse, they could be like the suckers at Lays who paid out $50,000 for some schmuck Tyler Raineri to suggest Sriracha as a flavor and start the national nightmare.

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