I got got. Usually I jump into a video only to get pissed off when an ad plays. Some bullshit companies like The Chive make you watch the ad, to which I reply by forgetting any interest I had in said video. YouTube gives you an out after a few seconds so thankfully, in most cases, I skip the ads. That option was available when this ad popped up but the damn commercial seemed so quick I didn’t even apply the effort to skip.

Fast forward 60 seconds and I’m still staring at a dog on a table eating everyone’s dinner.

Roaring round of applause for whoever brainstormed this idea in the board room.

The Hollywood Reporter Mark Cuban and Ann Coulter have joined the growing list of guest stars for the third TV movie in the phenomenon, The Hollywood Reporter has learned. Launching in July, Sharknado 3 will be set in Washington, D.C., this time and, per Syfy, will “cause mass destruction in the nation’s capital” before it roars down the Eastern Seaboard. Entrepreneur/Dallas Mavericks owner Cuban of Shark Tank will play the president, while conservative commentator/author Coulter will play the VP.

I’ll be honest, I think I would be a-ok with Sharknado’s if it meant Mark Cuban ran the free world. This isn’t a knock on Barry Obama, it’s just the Mark Cuban knows his shit. I tune into Shark Tank every week, not just for some interesting ideas, but to pick up a few tips from Cuban on how the world works.

The fictional universe of Sharknado has a lot to look forward to with Cuban in charge. The easy money is that he dies a brutal death, similar to fellow Shark Damon John in Sharknado 2.

However if Sharknado 3 is the end to an historic trilogy, it would make sense that Cuban figures it all out and saves the day.

Side note, I’m from Pittsburgh, he’s from Pittsburgh. Match made in heaven right? Eh probably not so much. Every time someone enters the tanks and mentions their roots in the steel city or fandom for the Mavericks he basically offers a fake smile and eventually bows out. That being said, I’ll still Cyberdust him (look it up) and maybe a blind squirrel will find a nut.

Come on Pirates be better. If you want to hook me on an inter-squad spring training game, you need to spell it out for me. People don’t have the time to click every name and determine who is playing and where they are hitting.

Lucky for you, I do have the time.

Team Black
Steve Lombardozzi 2B
Mel Rojas Jr CF
Jung-ho Kang SS
Andrew Lambo 1B
Jose Tabata LF
Deibinson Romero 3B
Willy Garcia RF
Sebastian Valle C
Elias Diaz DH

Team Gold
Jeff Decker LF
Justin Sellers 2B
Gregory Polanco RF
Starling Marte DH (WTF?)
Tony Sanchez C
Brent Morel 1B
Keon Broxton CF
Pedro Florimon SS
Gustavo Nunez 3B

Upon further review it appears the Pirate’s Twitter is just trying to trick you into paying attention. Not much to see here, looks like they’re plugging Starling into DH to bring some interest. Tabata and Polanco have been crushing balls this spring in BP, good to see them getting some live looks today. Really disappointed we wont see Pedro Alvarez log some time at first. He was a liability out there last year at the hot corner and any reps he can have at his new position are worth it.

Yinzer Prognostication: Gold 5 Black 3

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Well that went quick. Not quite sure what Cat had in mind going balls to the walls right out of the gate. Given that this was hyped up as Ronda’s greatest competition to date I assumed the first round would be a lot of feeling each other out. 

https://twitter.com/sportscenter/status/572024745048322048 

Instead Ronda beat the shit out of Cat in a whooping 14 seconds this time.  After the fight all Cat could do is say “fuck” a bunch of times and insist she needs another try. 

At this rate, UFC is going to have to add a clause to the fight contracts where if it ends in the first minute we get an immediate rematch. Ronda’s success has brought the common man back to the octagon but this novelty is wearing off and people won’t spend $50+ on 14 seconds. 

Option B is say fuck it and let her beat the shit out of dudes. Real catch 22 for women’s right groups. They’ll be bitching soon claiming it’s not fair she doesn’t get to fight men, with the contingency bitch in place if a dude knocks her out one day. 

Clean sweep this weekend, first round knock outs in both Smut Wars and UFC 184. 

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Source PAWTUCKET, R.I. (WPRI) — Police have charged a Pawtucket man — who legally changed his given name to Santa Claus — with domestic assault, after an incident last week where he’s accused of choking his wife. Santa Claus Almeida, 83, was arrested Sunday and charged with domestic assault by strangulation and domestic disorderly conduct. Police say a family member had brought the victim to the police department on Saturday and told officers Almeida had assaulted and struck her several times, that he yelled and cursed at her, and that he punched her shoulder, whereupon she fell to the ground. Then, he allegedly put his arm over her neck, making it difficult for her to breathe. Almeida eventually let her go, but continued to yell at the woman. The woman did not have injuries that warranted medical attention. 

Well shit, you ever wonder what happens to the mall Santa’s once January rolls around? Not the creepers in fake beards, no I’m talking about the old men with honest beards who exhibit the true essense of Kris Kringle. 

His mug shot suggests he was sucking down an egg nog or two, but this guy has to be a psychopath most of the time.  He not only came up with the idea of changing his name but actually followed through. This guy thinks he is the real Santa Claus.  Personally if I were in his shoes I’m changing my name to the likes of Kris Kringle or Saint Nick. Coming out guns blazing with “Santa Claus” is way too aggressive and is pretty much a scarlett letter that you escaped the mental institute. 

While Ronda faces her “stiffest competition to date” in the octagon tonight, what better time to face some Smut War competition. 

First to the ring tonight is the challenger Cat “Alpha” Zingano. A relative unknown to the common man, there isn’t much smut tape on Cat, but enough to wet your whistle. 







Cat is challenging the women’s champion Ronda Rousey who has yet to be defeated in the octagon. Ronda comes to Smut Wars as one of the most well known UFC competitors, man or woman. 







She’s 10-0 in the Octagon and might have the stuff to kick a man’s ass one day. What plays against her however may be this recent exposure, specifically in the latest Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition. She has been prettying herself up and loving all the attention. She obviously gets the first round knockout in tonight Smut Wars but the real question, has all this dolling up gone to her head making her vulnerable tonight?

We shall see. 

Update: Ronda Layed The Smackdown in 14 Seconds

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There it is. Pat Narduzzi is the guy this team needs. In all honesty he deserved a better job but we were lucky enough to scoop him up and it’s perfect. Michigan State rose to greatness on the backs of the defenses Narduzzi coached up. 

They handed Ohio State its first loss in the Urban Meyer era in large part with lesser known high school recruits.  They went on to win a Rose Bowl as underdogs against Stanford thanks to their “No Fly Zone.” 



Darqueze Dennard was only a 2 star recruit coming out of Georgia who, thanks to Narduzzis’s schemes, would become the best defensive back in the 2014 NFL draft and be selected in the first round by the Bengals. 



In this years NFL draft, Trae Wayne’s stands the most to gain from his time in the Narduzzi lead Spartan defense. He’s another top DB on many expert’s draft boards and is expected to be another first round pick in a few weeks. 



The Steelers own, Le’Veon Bell was only a 2 star guy out of high school but thanks to the grind and tutalege from Michigan State’s hard nosed coaching staff he became a second round pick in the 2013 draft and has solidified his position as a top running back in the NFL. 

Today’s tug-of-war is a great sign that many of the elements present in East Lansing will be, at some level, be replicated by the new Pitt staff. For years they have received mediocre play from mediocre players. They have had diamonds like LeSean McCoy and Darrelle Revis but did not have the necessary parts around them to become a great team. Now with a staff that has a history of turn mediocre guys into first round NFL talent, it’s reasonable to expect big things from Pitt as soon as this fall. 

Recently I was asked who would have a better season in 2015 Penn State or Pitt. Expecting growth from Pitt, I see games in Blackburg vs Virgina Tech and on Durham vs Duke to be difficult but winnable. Wild card teams like Notre Dame, North Carolina, Louisville, and Miami all travel to Heinz field, and while Pitt isn’t known for its ravenous home field advantage, it’s a lot easier to win at home and all those games are winnable. There are no “for sure losses” on that schedule so the sky is the limit, why not go 12-0?

Penn State on the other hand has definite losses at Ohio State and at Michigan State. They also travel to their new rival, Maryland, who whooped up on them last year. Add a trip into Northwestern and you have one of the tougher schedules in the Big Ten, a conference the could only mustered 2 wins in last season. A lot needs to go right for the Nittany Lions to come away with 8 wins, look for Pitt’s Pennsylvania football dominance to extend to 2016. 

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http://youtu.be/6_tnQdHU7Vg

Sports marketing 101, either have a successful team to keep the audience’s attention or have some killer in-game entertainment ready. For basketball that includes but is not limited to: Kiss Cam, Trampoline Dunkers, The Lady on a Unicycle Flipping Bowls, and finally fat people dancing. 

Solid move here by someone in the Timberwolves camp. Insane that someone in the room not only remembered Jiggly Boy from 2003 but suggested he make his return to welcome back Kevin Garnett in his first game back as a T Wolve. 

Roaring round of applause by this guy. The only thing more American these days than a fat guy without a shirt dancing is having an entire fat family dancing. It’s nice to see he’s raising his kids right up until this point but who knows, now that they now what got dad to top they might be bulking up. 



Marathon time! 

Not one of those jive marathons where you have to wear a bib and put stupid bumper stickers on your car. No I’m talking about a Netflix marathon. 

Like the other marathon, I also intend to tell everyone about the marathon I’m participating in so you better get your earmuffs ready if you don’t want spoilers. 

Source The first known photograph has emerged of Mohammed Emwazi – the Islamic State militant known as “Jihadi John” – as an adult. Showing him with a goatee beard and wearing a Pittsburgh Pirates baseball cap, the image is revealed in student records from his time at the University of Westminster. It comes after the 26-year-old who became the masked face of the notorious terror organisation was identified as the figure seen in several videos of hostages being beheaded.

We are a month out from baseball season and the Pirates are in the news for all the wrong reasons. For years Pirate hats have been popular in the “bad part of town” across the United States. For whatever reason, criminals love the black and yellow and things escalated quickly when this ISIS asshole’s picture turned up with him in a Pirates hat. This better not escalate to a clown show outside of PNC this summer with protesters suggest the Buccos change their name ala the Washington Redskins.

The Pirates released the following statement:

The classic gold P stands for Pittsburgh and is worn by our players, coaches and fans with a great sense of pride. It is absolutely sickening to everyone within the Pirates organization, and to our great fans, to see this murderer wearing a Pirates cap in this old photo.

Being the PR expert I am, here is the spin. ISIS knows what is cool. Last summer the were taking photos with Nutella to come off softer and friendlier.

Granted they also tried the same trick with photos of cats. I guess that means they’re not that into convincing us, because if they were they would take pictures with dogs.

Seriously though, fuck this guy.